Review of "Picks: Week 5"

Friday, September 26 8:00 PM ET ESPN2
Connecticut (4-0, 0-0) @ Louisville (2-1, 0-0) -3.5: UL 23 UConn 17, Cover Confidence 10.

Final Result: UConn 26- UL 21. Loss. While UL gained over 500 yards on offense, they could not capitalize and make costly mistakes. UConn is an opportunistic team and that showed on Friday Night. 0-1.

Saturday, September 27
12:00 PM ET BTN. Minnesota (4-0, 0-0) @ #14 Ohio State (3-1, 0-0) -17.5: OSU 35 Minnesota 10, Cover Confidence 2.

Final Result: OSU 34- Minnesota 21. Backdoor!!! OSU could not stop a 4th and 12 and gave up the backdoor cover. 0-2. This start es no bueno!

12:00 PM ET ESPN2 North Carolina (2-1, 0-1)@Miami (FL) (2-1, 0-0) -7.5: Miami 27 - UNC 17. Cover Confidence 12.

Final Result: UNC 28- Miami 24. I said this one was going to be tough and it looked as if Miami was going to give UNC a class 5 caning, but they fell apart in the second half. 0-3. Mal, senior.

12:05 PM ET ESPN Classic. Northwestern (4-0, 0-0) @Iowa (3-1, 0-0) -8.0. NU 23 Iowa 21. Cover Confidence 3.

Final Result: NU 22 - Iowa 17. Cover Baby! This was a spot on pick. 1-3.

3:30 PM ET ABC/GP Arkansas (2-1, 0-1) #7 Texas (3-0, 0-0) -27.5: Texas 56 Arkansas 21. Cover Confidence 4.

Final Result: Texas 52 - Arkansas 10. This line is HUGE for a "rivalry game". Having said that: Blowout. That's just about right. Cover #2. 2-3.

3:30 PM ABC/GP #9 Wisconsin (3-0, 0-0) -6.5 Michigan (1-2, 0-0). Wisconsin 14 Michigan 9, Cover Confidence 9.

Final Result: Michigan 27- UW 25. This is nothing like what I expected, but it was f'in great like Frosted Flakes. Cover #3. 3-3

3:30 PM ET CBS Tennessee (1-2, 0-1) #15 Auburn (3-1, 1-1) -6.5. Auburn 16 Tennessee 14, Cover Confidence 8.

Final Result: Auburn 14 - Tennessee 12. Cover #4. Well, was I right or was I right? 4-3.

3:30 PM ET ABC/GP @Jacksonville, FL Colorado (3-0, 0-0) Florida State (2-1, 0-0) -5.5: CU 24 FSU 20, Cover Confidence 5.

Final Result: FSU 32 - CU 14. Loss. Well, was I wrong or was I wrong? 4-4.

3:30 PM ET NBC Purdue (2-1, 0-0) @Notre Dame (2-1) -1.5:PU 30, ND 14. Confidence 1. LOCK IT.

Final Result: ND 38 - Purdump 21. As Matt said "Football is back on the menu boys!". Notre Dame had a huge program-changing turnaround in the second half and dominated the Boilers. 4-5 (but this is where is gets good).

7:00 PM ET FSN #24 TCU (4-0, 1-0) @ #2 Oklahoma (3-0, 0-0) -17.5: Oklahoma 48 TCU 13. Cover Confidence 6.

Final Result: OU 35 - TCU 10. Cover #5. I was pretty much spot-on on this pick considering that OU took the second half off to watch the Christians clean the lion cages. Note to self: Lock OU. 5-5


7:45 PM ET ESPN #8 Alabama (4-0, 1-0) @ #3 Georgia (4-0, 1-0) -7. UGa 25 Bama 23. Cover Confidence 7.

Final Result: Bama 41 - Georgia 30. Wow, 31-0 at half. Georgia made it interesting in the second half, but too little too late. Cover #6. 6-5

8:00 PM ET ABC/GP #22 Illinois (2-1, 0-0) @ #12 Penn State (4-0, 0-0) -14.5: PSU 38 - ILL 30. Cover Confidence 13.

Final Result: PSU 38 - Illini 24. I love the hook! Cover #7. 7-5.

8:00 PM ET ABC/GP Virginia Tech (3-1, 2-0) @Nebraska (3-0, 0-0) -7: Nebraska 22, VT 21. Cover Confidence 11.

Final Result: VT 35 - Nebraska 30. The black shirts are not back. VT is a pretty poor offensive team. Mizzou visits Nebraska next week. Take the over. Cover #8. 8-5.

Philosopher's Picks: Week 5

Friday, September 26 8:00 PM ET ESPN2
Connecticut (4-0, 0-0) @ Louisville (2-1, 0-0) -3.5: Birds Wif Teef fresh off a 1/2 bye week and a shellacking of the "Power Cats" from Kansas State look to continue the rebound from an embarrassing start to the season against the 4-0 Sled Dawgs. UConn's record is undoubtedly buoyed by 1-AA patsies and close wins against Baylor and Temple, a veritable the who's who of ESPN's Bottom Ten. UL had a slightly less odorous preseason schedule that featured one middle middle of the pack SEC team, a bottom dweller from the B12 and a 1-AA foe. UConn's strength has been the run and UL's strength on D is the run. I look for this to be a lower scoring affair, which brings the hook into play. I still think UL will cover based on their being at home. UL 23 UConn 17, Cover Confidence 10.

Saturday, September 27
12:00 PM ET BTN. Minnesota (4-0, 0-0) @ #14 Ohio State (3-1, 0-0) -17.5: This shouldn't take much thought, so it won't. OSU rolls behind TP. OSU 35 Minnesota 10, Cover Confidence 2.

12:00 PM ET ESPN2 North Carolina (2-1, 0-1)@Miami (FL) (2-1, 0-0) -7.5: This is one of the tougher games to pick this week. Both teams have been as hot and cold as a Las Vegas craps table. UNCs victories are slightly less impressive than Miami's. Rutgers is not nearly what they were expected to be, so the 41-17 shellacking goes out the window. Meanwhile Texas A&M lost to Arkansas State. It's a wash there. Miami looked impressive defensively against Florida in their lone loss, which says something. I'm feeling a Hurricane a brewing. Miami 27 - UNC 17. Cover Confidence 12.

12:05 PM ET ESPN Classic. Northwestern (4-0, 0-0) @Iowa (3-1, 0-0) -8.0. Northwestern is the real power cats in purple. Both teams featured equally fetid preseason schedules against BCS conference bottom dwellers and D-1AA foes. Northwestern has looked good in their games, thumping Syracuse, beating a rejuvenated Duke squad, thumping D-1AA SIU and physically dominating an Ohio team during a rain storm. Iowa has looked weak offensively against it's two BCS foes, ISU and Pitt. Northwestern for the cover and win. NU 23 Iowa 21. Cover Confidence 3.

3:30 PM ET ABC/GP Arkansas (2-1, 0-1) #7 Texas (3-0, 0-0) -27.5: This line is HUGE for a "rivalry game". Having said that: Blowout. Texas 56 Arkansas 21. Cover Confidence 4.

3:30 PM ABC/GP #9 Wisconsin (3-0, 0-0) -6.5 Michigan (1-2, 0-0). It looks as if Wisconsin will break Michigan's 22-game Big Ten opener streak. Just by how much is the question. Michigan's offense was pathetic against it's two preseason foes before Notre Dame gave up 350 yards to the Wolverines (who proceeded to turn over the ball six times and lose). The question for Michigan's offense is: Is Notre Dame that bad or is Michigan coming around on this spread thing? I hope for the later, but suspect the former. Wisconsin comes in at an overrated #9 - their offense struggled against Fresno State to score 13 points in a narrow win. I look for a defensive struggle reminiscent of Michigan's 14-9 win over PSU last season. But this time with roles reversed: Wisconsin 14 Michigan 9, Cover Confidence 9.

3:30 PM ET CBS Tennessee (1-2, 0-1) #15 Auburn (3-1, 1-1) -6.5. Tennessee is in a world of hurt. Losing to UCLA this season is NOT a good thing. Getting kicked like a stray dog by your rival Florida is also NOT a good thing. Not scoring 40 against a gutter team like UAB furthermore NOT good. Auburn beating Mississippi State 3-2, also es no bueno. Offensively this looks to be a struggle. Auburn 16 Tennessee 14, Cover Confidence 8.

3:30 PM ET ABC/GP @Jacksonville, FL Colorado (3-0, 0-0) Florida State (2-1, 0-0) -5.5: Let's just call this a road game for the Buffaloes. Florida State is bad, Colorado is okay. I wouldn't take much from the CU win against Bill Stewart's traveling debacle WVU, but a win is a win. Never pick against a home dog on Thursday night! Colorado and the cover. CU 24 FSU 20, Cover Confidence 5.

3:30 PM ET NBC Purdue (2-1, 0-0) @Notre Dame (2-1) -1.5: As mentioned before, Notre Dame is still that bad. Purdue is okay, having beat a better than average CMU team, losing to Oregon in OT and thumping D-1AA Northern Colorado. I'll take the Boilers to win. PU 30, ND 14. Confidence 1. LOCK IT.

7:00 PM ET FSN #24 TCU (4-0, 1-0) @ #2 Oklahoma (3-0, 0-0) -17.5: Who wants to take a bet that this game will be preempted by some meaningless baseball game. How about the last place Tigers getting further skullfucked by Tampa Bay? I don't like TCU because they are Christians from Texas, which means they probably have eight wives and molest children. Oklahoma is on a war path. Oklahoma 48 TCU 13. Cover Confidence 6.

7:45 PM ET ESPN #8 Alabama (4-0, 1-0) @ #3 Georgia (4-0, 1-0) -7. Georgia has played down from it's preseason #1 ranking while Alabama has played up from being unranked to #8 with solid wins over top ten Clemson, Tulane, some D-1AA team and Arkansas. This game is at Georgia, else I'd pick Bama to win straight up. Maybe next year, Saban. UGa 25 Bama 23. Cover Confidence 7.

8:00 PM ET ABC/GP #22 Illinois (2-1, 0-0) @ #12 Penn State (4-0, 0-0) -14.5: Penn State has been crushing meaningless and hapless moon calves in typical Nittany fashion. Not much can be said about their four scrimmages. Meanwhile, Illinois lost to offensive juggernaut Mizzou but looked impressive. Then they nearly lost to a UL-Lafayette team. WTF? This is a difficult game to pick, but I think Juice has just enough juice to keep it under the spreadable 14.5. PSU 38 - ILL 30. Cover Confidence 13.

8:00 PM ET ABC/GP Virginia Tech (3-1, 2-0) @Nebraska (3-0, 0-0) -7: VT got boarded and forced to walk the plank against and upstart ECU team in the first game of the season, but since then they have looked solid. Nebraska has hosted a host of nobodies and won convincingly each time. Typical for Nebraska. I look for this one to remain close. VT showed it can play well on the road last week. Nebraska 22, VT 21. Cover Confidence 11.

Jimmah "Emu" Clausen Quits Notre Dame to Become Confections Vendor

South Bend (IN) 11:56 AM

Jimmah "Emu" Clausen has formally announced his resignation from the Notre Dame football team to "pursue his childhood dream peddling confections". "I just got a sweet deal on this van, man, like only $500, dude" quoted Clausen. When asked about how he came upon $500 he said something about preists and the rectory, but his speech was was muffled by a slurping sound. Clausen's coach, Jabba the Weis, said that Jimmah would be missed, but was happy that his former quarterback offered him 5-lbs of free taffy and "sloppy seconds".