Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Week 1, 2009 - Thursday Game

Thursday September(!) 3, 2009. 10:30 PM ESPN
@Boise State -4.5

Warning: Do not drop acid while watching this game.

Hemlock Philosopher's Pick:

Oregon's uni's on Boise's smurf turf... It will look like Superman Ice Cream. Since there is nothing to base this game on, except for old shit, I will venture out and pick Oregon. The neon yellow and green will clash with the blue turf and confuse the Boise State defense. Oregon 38, Boise 37. What a way to kick off the season

MGoBastard's Pick:

I agree with the Hemlock Philosopher on this one… its going to be an ugly game, from an aesthetic viewpoint. This clown puking is the most accurate internet image I could find although this time no LSD will be required. You'll saddle in with a brewski for the 10:15 kickoff and wonder who on earth spiked your beverage. On the field, its going to be a high scorin' rootin' shootin' classic that highlights the fact that nobody can defend the spread. Quack 38 - Blue Veins 37 sounds cromulent, I'll run with it as well.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 13 - Wednesday Game

Such a pleasant mountain, isn't it?

#17 Testicle Tech (10-0, 6-0) -7 @El Centro (8-2, 6-0)

Hemlock Philosopher: I love football on a Wednesday night. Central Michigan has posted a 71.3% Winning percentage at home and is getting 7 points. Why? Well, the have a suspect pass D facing perhaps the best pure passer outside of the Big 12, that's why. The Wx forecast calls for some snow, but it is supposed to be light and therefore not a threat to the dynamics of the game. As for the game, I look for CMU to hang tight on the legs of Dan LeFevour and a stable of backs while getting some production out of an experienced D-Line. Ball's taste by a FG. 28-25.

MGoBastard: MT. Pleasant on a cold late autumn night, does it get any better? Not on the football field (that is if you're a MAC fan). The two remaining undefeateds in the conference square off for an opportunity to go to the MAC championship game and on to some crappy bowl in the Mississippi Delta - or is it detroilet? At any rate, Testicle Tech has been been leaving balls taste in all their opponents and CMU has not. That's why they're getting 7. Since it is not a Thursday night, I cannot lock down on the home dog. CMU is a respectable team, but their D will fail them in a reverse of the Muncie Massacre, Tech big in a fun one 52-30.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 12 - Saturday Games

Miami went up early, did some lines, forgot to cover theirs... On to Sabado Gigante!

Wet Trud (7-3, 3-3) @ Michigan (3-7, 2-4) -3.5.

MGoBastard: When was the last time that a 3-7 team held 3.5 pts on a conference foe with the inverse record? Well, that shows some serious disrespect for the mild cats on the part of Vegas. Is this lack of respect deserved? After the 35 pt drubbing at the hands of satan's little helpers and the loss of so many players, that the coach had to keep an eye on the IM tournament for a starting QB, the answer is yes. Michigan played lights out last week, drubbing some rodents, giving the Maize and Blue faithful a glimmer of hope in this otherwise lost season and most importantly, giving the team a boost of confidence. While Michigan thoroughly outmans NW, this has still been and up and down season for us. The seniors come out a play spirited on their day, just enough to get over the freshmen's drops and fumbles. M 27, NW 16. Confidence 7.

Hemlock Philosopher: Heavy rain and 43 degrees in the forcast. I remember the ND fiasco and I am not quite sold that Meechigan is coming back. Sheridan is starting, combined with the weather makes me nervous about the hook. Michigan wins, closely, NW covers. 10-7. Confidence 13.

Numb and Dumb (5-4) -3.5 @ Yvan Eht Nioj (6-3).

MGoBastard: Another game where the no-name opponent gets very little respect from Vegas. This time it's a bit unfounded though. Navy has done a great job after losing their coach to GT with loses only to undefeated Ball State, stinky pinky Duke and mercurial Pitt. Notre Dame has suffered of late on Offense and are regressing to last year with fat chuckles making the calls this week. They might score, just not enough to cover… or win. Navy 21, ND 17. Confidence 8.

Hemlock Philosopher: It's amazing that after snapping a streak of 43 years of defeat, a Navy win against ND is no longer a really big deal. Can they hit for two straight years? Another hook in the rain. I'm taking the dog. ND to win, but not cover. 16-13. Confidence 10.

#11 Satan's Little Helpers (8-2, 5-1) -9.5 @ I-L-L-what's that smell? (5-5, 3-3).

MGoBastard: This one is mental. Illinois shocked and exposed the suckeyes last year in the toilet bowl. Those little turds are now angry – think about going to the crapper after a night of hot wings and Shiner bock. Illinois just got thoroughly beaten last week by Western Michigan. Look for tOSU to continue their pillage of the state of Illinois tOSU 38, Ill 7. Confidence 2 (or 1)

Hemlock Philosopher: I locked OSU last week because they were vastly over matched with NW. They also look to have a huge advantage over the reeling Illini. Despite the past two seasons of close games, I think that OSU bombs the Illini. OSU 38-14. Confidence 2.

#3 Tejas (9-1, 5-1) -13.0 @ Mountain of MANgina (6-4, 3-3).

MGoBastard: After rolling up line covers for the first 7 games of the season, the horns have hit a bit of a bump in the road with tough games against Oklahoma State and Texas Tech and a back door cover by the christians from Waco. Why are christains always coming in the back door? Anyways, I digress. There is no cure for a cover slump like facing the porous defense of Kansas. While KU has proven to hang a few points on folks, they've gone cold when the opposition has a solid D. UT has just that. Texas hangs half a hundo and stays in the MNC race. UT 52 - KU 20. Confidence 1.

Hemlock Philosopher: Kansas == Shitty Defense. Texas == Really good Offense. Ugly. Fast. Texas 69-24. Confidence 3.

Cocky (7-3, 4-3) @ #4 kcUF (8-1, 5-1) -21.0.

MGoBastard: -20 fucking-1!!! holy crap that's a huge line. There really aren't two hotter programs not centered in Lubbock at the current moment. USCe has rolled to 5 straight after a slow start and Tebag has the gators rolling. Really it comes down to this fact - this is the SEC and nobody outside the state of Mississippi (or Tennessee) actually loses by 21 to another conference foe. Look for kcUF to win, but not come close to covering. kcUF 34-SoCoCo Beware 27. Confidence 3.

Hemlock Philosopher: Me thinks the bastard forgot about LSU beating USCe. Oh well, 21 is not enough. Urban Meyer has proven he can be a jerk when it's necessary to embarrass a foe to get BCS style points. With Texas Tech, Texas, Oklahoma and USC all having one or no losses, kcUF keeps cruising and crushing. 'Duh 49-14. Confidence 1. Lock it.

#17 BYUTT (9-1, 5-1) -5.5 @ Air Farce (8-2, 5-1).

MGoBastard: BYU was the media darling to upset the BCS until TCU threw a wrench in that set-up. Outside that game, they've rolled everyone that they've faced. AF is flying under the radar (good thing, don't want to get shot down) to a solid 8-2 record. Their only conference loss is to undefeated Utah. Look for BYU to win this game, but AF will keep it close. BYU 33-AF 30. Confidence 6.

Hemlock Philosopher: For some reason, unbeknown to be, I like BYUtt in this game. This means I'll probably lose the pick, but what the hell I'm down 7. BYU 35-24. Confidence 11.

#16 UNC (7-2, 3-2) -2.5 @ MD 20/20 (6-3, 3-2).

MGoBastard: The Jeckyl and Hyde ACC strikes again. UNC is hot and MD just got humbled by VT. Granted the later was against VT, in Blacksburg, on Thursday night, so who really knows what that means. UNC is building something quality there in Chapel Hill and will continue to roll. UNC 31-13. Confidence 8.

Hemlock Philosopher: Maryland is 5-0 at home and 3-0 versus top 25 teams. This is another bad weather game, which may neutralize UNCs speed advantage. I like MDs mojo at home to git 'r dun. MD2020 17-16. Confidence 12.

Californication (6-3, 4-2) @ Oregon State (6-3, 5-1) -3.0.

MGoBastard: Who knows anything about OSU outside of getting drubbed by PSU then shocking USC? Well, they're 5-1 in conference and also have a close early season loss to undefeated Utah. Cal has hit a bit of a bump in the road going down to USC. I have to think that these trends will continue and the OSU will have a huge game on the ground. OSU 27 - Cal 20. Confidence 7.

Hemlock Philosopher: Cal actually performed admirably on D against a USC team in the same boat as Florida. But this game is up in Corvallis, where surprisingly, Cal is quite comfortable (having won the last two). I think Cal gets it done in the NW. Cal 24-22. Confidence 9.

Minnesota (7-3, 3-3) @ Wisconsin (5-5, 2-5) -14.0.

MGoBastard: I know that Minnesota's early season success was based upon sheer luck, but Wisconsin has suffered a second epic comeback from a Michigan school. The first one set them back to the tune of 3 more losses, the second will likely do the same. Minnesota gets healthy and not only covers, but wins. Large Rats 31, Larger rats 28. Confidence 5.

Hemlock Philosopher: Minnesota played above its abilities and Wisconsin below. This appears to have shifted. Wisconsin will dismantle Minnesota in Madison. UW 42-14. Confidence 6.

Arizona (6-3, 4-0) @ Oregon (7-3, 5-2) -4.

MGoBastard: There must be something in the water there in Oregon. The teams are rollin'. Arizona has their own destiny in the PAC-10 and come in on a roll, showing life on offense to go with their usual desert swarm D. Autzen is a tough place to win and is even tougher at night. Still, I like UA to cover. UO 23-UA 20. Confdence 10.

Hemlock Philosopher: Arizona has not exactly been bueno on the road. They LOST to NEW MEXICO and STANFORD. Oregon. Arriba los Patos! 27-17. Confidence 4.

Backup College (6-3, 2-3) @ #17 Noles Condendere (7-2, 4-2) -6.5.

MGoBastard: FSU has returned to relevance... in the ACC, whatever that means. BC is fresh off a stymerization of ND with solid D, however there offense did not produce anything noteworthy. Look for FSU to cover in another snooze fest of an ACC game. FSU 17-10. Confidence 13.

Hemlock Philosopher: Yes, totally agreed: Snoozy, boozy and boring. Hopefully we get on the OSU-Colorado side of the ABC-Regional coverage. FSU 24-14. Confidence 5.

#13 Tall Dark and Handsome (8-2, 4-2) -17.0 @ Colonraiders (5-5, 2-4).

MGoBastard: Wow, a 17 pt home dog at night. If this was Thursday I close my eyes and ears and pick CU, but its Saturday. OSU has had the misfortune of playing in the B12 south, getting rolled by both UT and TT. CU has the misfortune of playing OSU this week. OSU Big 54-10. Confidence 4.

Hemlock Philosopher: Colon-raid fell off a cliff with an anvil tied to their waist when they entered B12 play. They've been out scored by 100 versus the three ranked B12 teams they've played. Look for TDH to get back on track defensively and win big. TDH 42-10. Confidence 7.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 12 - Thursday Game

Welcome to Miami

It's Techy (6-3, 3-2) @ Cocaines (6-3, 3-2) -5.0.

MGoBastard: Thursday Night game, lock the home team! right? Not so fast this time, this requires some consternation - where's my coffee and the sports page... Miami has been indestructible at home on Thursday night (just ask Texas A&M) and VT brings in a not so good offense (while Miami counters with a young, fast D). However, VT now has a running game in Darren Evans and VT has a defense of its own too. The relatively large line (-5.0) has this bastard a bit nervous., but I'm still going to have to go with the home team, even though they're not the dog. Miami 23- VT 17. Confidence 12

Hemlock Philosopher: Pure lines... The common thought is that Thursday night belongs to the home dogs (6-0 ATS), but in Weekly 13 games, the away dog is also doing quite well at 4-2 ATS. Out and Out, dogs are 10-2 on Thursday nights. The only losses being MD20/20 at VaTech and Clemson against Wake - two ACC games. This being and ACC game gives doubt to my VT lean. But VT has performed mighty well in week night games, so I am going to keep them for the cover and win. VT 27-24. Confidence 9.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 11 (the rest)

Well, you can say that the week started out bad for both of us with the 45-14 shellacking that Testicular Tech hung on the Huskies, but there is Hope for the future. Yes we can! (avoid going 5-8).

7:30 PM ET 11/6 ESPN #23 Maryland (6-2, 3-1) @Virginia Tech (5-3, 2-2) -3.5.

Hemlock Philosopher: Mmm, is that the smell of Blacksburg on a Thursday night or is it just roasting chicken coated with herbs de Provance? The Hokies have a tradition of shellacking upstart programs on Thursday nights on ESPN in Blacksburg. Maryland is an upstart (after losing to currently 2-6 Sun Belt conference MTSU) they beat Cal and are 3-1 in the ACC. Both teams are dealing with injuries to key players (MD RB Da'Rel Scott and VT QBs Taylor and Glennon). I look for VT to control the ball and the game. VT 23-17. Confidence 4.

MGoBastard: HP, since when does the acrid aroma of burning furniture remind you of chicken with herbs d'provance? I digress, yet, I'm going with you on the pick. The question is will VT be able to outscore their Fraternities in burnt coaches? VT ugly 16 - 10. Confidence 3.

8:00 PM ET 11/6 CSTV #12 TCU (9-1, 6-0) -2.5 @#8 Utah (9-0, 5-0).

Hemlock Philosopher: Talk about streaks - Thursday night home dogs are 6-0 ATS in W13 games. Last week I messed with the streak and got beat. This week I will go against my instinct and stay with the streak. I think TCU is on a war path since being thrown to the lions at Oklahoma. Utah 22-21. Confidence 13.

MGoBastard: Utah should lose by 2 TDs or more. Yet, its Thursday night and they're at home and that has been the only thing that has mattered. I'm riding this horse until it dies. Utah 17-16. Confidence 12.

12:00 PM ET 11/7 GP Louisville (5-2, 1-2) @Pittsburgh (6-2, 2-1) -6.5

Hemlock Philosopher: Pitt is playing the MD 20/20 role in the Big East. At times they look great - beating ND in triple OT - and at times they look awful - giving up 54 to Rutgers at home. Louisville just lost to !!!Syracuse!!! for the second time in a row. They got gashed by a no-name RB. McCoy and Stephens-Howling are both well known and could explode against a team known for weak run D. Pitt, big, 35-21. Confidence 3.

MGoBastard: okay, its a bit late on Friday, but a night of drinking Victory and watching Rocky week on AMC has me in a winning mood.

Since I can't match my futility for the year, what the hell? Let's pick while I'm drunk, its a tough week and coin flips are great.

Pitt/Lousville. Pitt brings in the mojo after beating ND in 4 OT's. Many called it a "thriller", I call it the most boring 4 overtime game ever witnessed. I was waiting for some one to fail and just hoping ND kept it under 6. Louisville has a flaccid run D, but brings a decent passing offense. Pitt's crew runs wild, but so does UL in the passing game - remember pitt gave up 54 to rutgers! Pitt wins, but doesn't cover Pitt 43-42.

12:00 PM ET 11/7 GP #20 Georgia Tech (7-2, 4-2) @#19 North Carolina (6-2, 2-2) -4.5

Hemlock Philosopher: UNC is mystifying. One week they'll jack up Rutgers or beat Miami at home and another they'll lose to a team from Virginia. Rain is in the forecast, which could muddle a lot of things on offense. GT for the cover, UNC for the win. UNC 24-21. Confidence 5.

MGoBastard: I thought that FSU would pull it off against GT and they almost came back. A late fumble stymied that. UNC is bringing the experience of a great coach and solid team. I don't think that they can solve the triple option as Paul Johnson continues to wake what is a true sleeping Giant. GT 34-27.

12:00 PM ET 11/7 ESPN2 #11 Ohio State (7-2, 4-1) -11 @#24 Northwestern (7-2, 3-2)

Hemlock Philosopher: Ohio State is going to skullfuck NW. Kafka will metamorphose into a roach and get squashed by the Little Animal. OSU 35-3. Lock.

MGoBastard: On paper this is a woodshedding. Many in the W13 are locking tOSU. I hate those fuckers. They'll win, but cover? Yeah, they do that too. tOSU 38-10.

12:00 PM ET 11/7 ESPN Michigan (2-7, 1-4) @Minnesota (7-2, 3-2) -8.

Hemlock Philosopher: I went against the streak last week and picked Michigan to cover the -1.5 @Purdump. We scored 42... But we gave up 48. Threet is likely out. Defense sucks. Loss. Big. Minnesota 42-21. Confidence 2.

MGoBastard: Damn. We're 8 pt dogs to Minny? This is the game that either we pull it together or the wheels fall off the cart en route to 2-10. I have to have hope. The Offense (injured) has shown a little spark but the D is not that bad They have to win something for us, right? Feagin starts and runs wild! Michigan 27-24. PS we've never lost in the metrodump!!! ever! please keep something alive for us RR!

3:30 PM ET 11/7 CBS #1 Alabama (9-0, 5-0) -3.5 @#16 LSU (6-2, 3-2).

Hemlock Philosopher: For some reason I think LSU is going to give Bama fits. Yes they got destroyed by GA and UF, but those were slashing speed teams that got the corner versus LSU's power defense. Alabama is a smash mouth team that will play to LSU's strengths. This is a trenches type game and LSU will look for vengeance against it's former coach. Bama wins, but close. Bama 21-20. Confidence 10.

MGoBastard: LSU's Mojo is pretty much gone. kcUF and UGA proved that they have no D. Roll Tide, Roll. Bama 45-28. I would lock it but...

3:30 PM ET 11/7 ABC-R #3 Penn State (9-0, 5-0) -7.5 @Iowa (5-4, 2-3).

Hemlock Philosopher: Penn State is being overlooked for the MNC game and they are not happy about it. They best way to not get overlooked: Blow the doors off your opponent. Iowa missed lots of opportunities to score in a narrow loss to the Illini last week, so they may not be as bad as the 5-4 record suggests. PSU has the impetus to hang half a hundo on Iowa and I think they will try. PSU 38-24. Confidence 8.

MGoBastard: Iowa is having a "green out" for Shawn Green. Its supposed to snow. Sounds like a white out to me. WIth two weeks rest and the NC game in sight, PSU rolls. PSU 44-6. Lock.

7:00 PM ET 11/7 ESPN-U Cincinnati (6-2, 2-1) @ #25 West Virginia (6-2, 3-0) -8.

Hemlock Philosopher: Cinci is turning into my UConn. I think they caught a disease in Hartford when they lost 40-16. WVa is streaking now and the smell of burning couches is in the air. WVa is looking for an inside track on the Big Easy championship and an exciting match-up with the bouk ACC champion. WVa big: 38-20. Confidence 6.

MGoBastard: Cincy is a tough team with an up and down type year. WVU has been up lately. The late night in morgantown has me thinking that the whiskey will will the home team to victory. WVU 31-20.

8:00 PM ET 11/7 ABC-R #21 California (6-2, 4-1) @#7 USC (7-1, 5-1) -18.5.

Hemlock Philosopher: USC. Boot. Neck. Carroll is another coach unhappy with his teams' position in the BCS. The Trojan D has been crushing with authority. This will not stop. USC 45-7. Confidence 7.

MGoBastard: That line is huge. Cal is decent. They lose, but they're going to cover. USC 35-26.

8:00 PM ET 11/7 ESPN Notre Dame (5-3) @Boston College (5-3, 2-3) -3.5.

Hemlock Philosopher: Outside of Seattle, where victories for visitors are handed out like Halloween candy, ND has played poorly on the road. This is a night game against many of ND Students' "back-up college". Little Irish Brother, if you will. Redheaded step child? Perhaps. I look for ND to go to the air and beat BC close. ND 28-27. Confidence 12.

MGoBastard: I hate religious schools. They both suck - its at Boston at night. BC wins 666-to-pentagram. (that's a cover)

8:00 PM ET 11/7 ABC-R #9 Oklahoma State (8-1, 4-1) @#2 Texas Tech (9-0, 5-0) -3.

Hemlock Philosopher: Another "Game of the Week" in Lubbock. This time people expect the Red Raiders to win. I don't. OSU controls the ball well and narrowly got beat by Texas in Austin. They have proven their meddle. I look for a similar score to the Texas game, but with the visitor on top. Okie State 36-33. Confidence 11.

MGoBastard: The only game we should watch this weak. Great game. Is it a let down game? TT picks up where their vanquished foes left off - the gauntlet of hell. TT Wins this one. Poor OSU, sandwich team. TT will lose next weak to OU. TT 56, OSU 46.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 11 (early)

There are a few early games this week, so we'll do this in parts...

Barack Obama (PK) versus John Mccain. Tuesday!

Hemlock Philosopher: I got Barack winning tonight based solely on the fact that if the Red Skins lose their last home game before the election, the incumbent party is in trouble. 17 for 17 - don't mess with a streak. Seeing that the Steelers put the spikes to the 'Skins last night, this is a good sign for Barack.

MGOBastard: Look for Oheo to finally not screw things up. Obama 302-238 is what I called.

8:00 PM ET 11/5/2008 ESPN2 Huskies (5-3, 4-1)@ #17 Balls' Taste (8-0, 4-0) -10.

Hemlock Philosopher: NIU has a surprisingly tough D - having given up less than 10 ppg since opening up the season with back to back losses against Minnesota and WMU. Meanwhile, Testicle Tech has not scored less than 24 while racking up an 8-0 record and aa 17th rank in the BCS. It is likely that BSU will not make the BCS, even if it goes 13-0. NIU has played well in Muncie and I look for them to make this a game - covering the spread but losing. BSU 24-17. Confidence 9.

MGOBastard: The stout Huskey D meets its maker in the prolifically offensive testicles. Look for the truck nutz to score a few but NIU to keep it close. I'm with the philosopher on this one. BSU 26-17.

UPDATE: Obamanos! Arriba! NIU == FAIL!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 10

Pick: Upset special!
Counter Pick: Im brewing my Holiday Solstice Ale tomorrow. It will be tasty and strong!

#23 Faux Hawk (6-2) -3.0 @ Misiginatin' Cat Bears on Meth (5-2).

Bastard: South Florida has steady been crushing foes and Cincinnati has a weak line. This one looks to be a cruise down the Ohio river for SF. BUT! Thursday night home underdog. The dogs are something like 98% ATS on Thursday nights and most even win (Oregon State, TCU). In spite of all evidence, you don't mess with a streak. Cincy 21-20. Confidence 11.

Hemlock philosopher: You're right, don't mess with a streak. But much like the Phillies ended 28 years of World Series' no goes and losses, USF will end the home dawgs streak. USF 28-13. Confidence 12.

Piss on Sin (4-4) @ #21 You're still little brother (7-2) -4.5.

Bastard: Sparty just beat a limp Michigan team for the first time since the 90's. That thing in 2002 doesn't count, they cheated. What happens to the Sparties after the Michigan game, win or lose, is well documented. They turn yellow like the leaves and fall face first into a lower tier bowl. Wisconsin just put an end to their WTF four game skid against Illinois and seem to back. Wisconsin stops Ringer and delivers the upset special. UW 27-24. Confidence 7.

Hemlock Philosopher: Sparty comes in at 5-4 ATS, while the disappointing Badgers come in at 3-5. The BADgers are 1-9 in their last 10 roadies ATS. MSU will likely be riding high after the victory in AA last week. This is a noon game and the hangover may still be around from the EL party scene. I look for a sluggish start from little brother, but a strong finish. MSU 27-21. Confidence 11.

Cocaines (5-3) @ Crapiliers (5-2) -1.0.

Bastard: Whatever happened to UVa sucking? They narrowly defeat the spida's of Richmond then go on an ACC path o' destruction. Miami brings to town a fast, young D and an emerging offense. Virginia will play a mistake free game, Miami wont. It will be barely enough to overcome the disparity in talent. UVa 15, Miami 13 (because I have to pick a winner). Confidence 13.

Hemlock Philosopher: Miami is a very young team and this is a roadie. Good thing that it's a noon start. Miami is a much faster team and is strong on defense. I will go with them - close. Miami 17-16. Confidence 10.

Michigan (2-6) @ Purdump (2-6) (-1.5).

Bastard: A cripple fight at the bottom of the big ten. Michigan has an offense that is beautiful when it works – albeit way too efficient. Unfortunately for Mich, that offense is only good for three scores per game. Purdue, brings a solid D and a really crappy offense. Look for this to be a cripple fight with Michigan scoring 3 times and purdue scoring once. Michigan 9, Purdump 7. Confidence 8.

Hemlock Philosopher: As soon as I got my head out of my ass, I started winning locks by picking against Michigan. This hedge has done nothing for my ill feeling about this team, so I will temporarily go back to picking the Wolverines. Michigan 82-0. Confidence 2.

Power Katz (4-4) @ Sitting Jays (5-3) -11.0.

Bastard: In a game that is much the opposite of the Michigan/Purdump game, Two explosive offenses face off. Both teams have flaccid Ds as OU and TT showed last week. Both teams would have given up 70 if their opponents didn't show mercy. This will be a fun one. Look for KSU to tire out earlier than KU. KU 56- KSU 42. Confidence 3.

Hemlock Philosopher: There is no defense for having no defense. I think KStizzle keeps it close enough to make it a game, until they get fucked up and lose just like the bastard said. KU 45-30. Confidence 6.

Shittsburgh (5-2) @ Notre Damn (5-2) (-5.5).

Bastard: In a battle to get re-ranked, Pittsburgh visits ND, bringing a solid running game but also a disaster against a return to reality Rutger's team. Notre Dame hasn't played anyone with a pulse, but they've done what they've needed to do and just won. Their return to glory continues, but only with a 3 point win. ND 23-Pitt 20. Confidence 5.

Hemlock Philosopher: Pitt just got clowned by Buttgars. Notre Damn, big. ND 33-17. Confidence 3.

#24 Addited to Quack (6-2) @ Go Back to Cali (5-2) (-3.0)

Bastard: The resurgent ducks bring the quack to the golden bears in an historically good game. This is the Pac-10, so don't expect any defense. Both teams have been flying under the radar with early losses. One will emerge from this game as the challenger to USC – then, they'll get the boot to the neck. Oregon played it close with Purdue, then got crushed by the blue veins. Cal had a WTF cross country trip up at MD, but has been solid ever since only losing to a quality Arizona squad. Look for them to win a close one over Oregon 34-30. Confidence 12.

Hemlock Philosopher: Yuck, duck do do. Cali has been skating by unnoticed and has been a totally different game on the road. The Ducks are going down to Berkeley and will lose. Cal 28-27. Confidence 9

#8 kcUF (6-1) -5.5 vs. #6 UGlAy Dog (7-1) @Jacksonville.

Bastard: That's a ridiculous line. Both teams are dominant on offense – just ask LSU. Florida shows a bit more on D, but really not that much more. The SEC is notorious for close games and this one has been a fight over the years. Florida QB Tebag gets some help from Jesus – the Hispanic ref – but doesn't cover. kcUF 26 – 24. Confidence 2.

Hemlock Philosopher: Ever since Florida got bitch-slapped by Red Neck w/ Rifle, they have been on a mission (no not a pedophilic trip to Indonesia, a war mission). Georgia has been playing up and down, losing their last three ATS before hammering a porous LSU D. Florida has pay back on it's mind and shall get it. Florida Drinking Cocktails, 38-28. Confidence 5.

Iow-GAY (5-3) @ [Name Redacted] (4-4) -1.5.

Bastard: Neither team has played anybody worth note. Both teams are mediocre and the game will reflect that. Doing a common opponent analysis brings up the Jeckyl and Hyde Wisconsin, who got dominated by Iowa and beat Illinois. I have to believe that Illinois does indeed suck, but only because I hate those fuckers. Iowa wins 31-20. Confidence 4.

Hemlock Philosopher: Oh, who gives a shit? These teams suck ass. I'll go with Iowa 38-30. Confidence 8.

#15 FSU (6-1) @ GT (6-2) -1.0.

Bastard: Hey looky here. FSU has gotten up to #15 with a mostly cream filled schedule. They're still 1 pt dogs at GT, who has blossomed under the tutelage of Paul Johnson and the triple option. You can see by the line that FSU is not getting the respect from Vegas that their name gets them in the polls. They're going to earn it with a good show. FSU 34 – GT 21. Confidence 10.

Hemlock Philosopher: FSU is too fast and strong to lose this one. I like them to beat GT with a more potent offense, the one that has been back on the scene except for versus WF. FSU 29-21. Confidence 4.

#117 Wazzou (1-666) @ #116 Stanford (1-50) -30.0.

Bastard: Holy crap this is worse than picking on the hypothetical Arkon @ Arkon match-up. Seriously, WTF? Wazzou has been giving up record numbers of points to all comers. Their defense is like a washed up 40 yr old porn star with a coke addiction – all comers can have their way any hole for only pennies extra! Stanford is the nerdy kid who has never scored but who's friends just bought him a 30th birthday gift. Stan, meet Wazzou Whoppers, she'll show you a good time. Stan 52, WW 20. Confidence 6.

Hemlock Philosopher: I am not even going to think about this game. I defer to the Bastard. Confidence: 13.

#1 Texas (8-0) -6.0 @ #5 Texas Tech (8-0)

Bastard: Talk about a game that is going to be far different from that crap above. Texas didn't cover a line for the first time this year against TDH as Colt McCoy had a few mistakes late in the game. Texas Tech walked all over Kansas and could have scored a c-note, but they played it nice in the 2nd half. Tech needs this one badly to call it a rivalry with Texas and this is the last hurdle until the B12 championship for UT. Look for points and lots of 'em! Texas is slightly better on paper and brings a revived D. TT has the emotion and the momentum. Look for them to cover. Texas wins by 3. UT 45 – 42. Confidence 9.

Hemlock Philosopher: This is a hell of a match-up. Texas has covered the last 5 times versus TT and are 3-2 ATS at Lubbock. This is described as the biggest game in Lubbock, evAR. I believe the frozen tortillas will be flying as Texas solidifies it's national championship hopes with a big win on the plains. Texas 52-35. Confidence 7.

Corn (5-3) @ #4 Boomer Sooner (7-1) -21.5

Bastard: Don't look now, but OU has a chance for the Big12 south, if Texas can trip against TT and someone else and OU can beat Tech. OU would be the best bet for a return to the MNC. They'll leave no doubt as they hope for UT to lose. The black shirts are not back. Nebraska has shown that it can score though. Look for a repeat of the KSU/OU game. OU gets the extra point in the 1st half and goes yeerd! OU 63, Nebraska 31. Confidence 1. Lock it.

Hemlock Philosopher: OU has no chance to win the B12 South. Texas, even if it loses to TT has a too easy of a schedule to get passed by TT. Still, Oklahoma is like a giant bug zapper and Nebraska is like a moth on D - light confuses them. OU, big. 55-14. Lock.

Hey, looky here. Due to Matt's love of washed up porn stars, we're picking on different games in the MichPharm and IllChem leagues. Bonus Footbah!

Northwestern (6-2) @ #17 Minnesota (7-1) (-6.5) Are you sure that's not 1-7? In one of the most monumental turnarounds in big ten history, Minnesota has risen from the ashes. Instead of getting pie in the face against cream puffs, they're back to eating them. Northwester comes in with plenty of senior leadership and a couple of injuries. Back-up Omar Conteh has to come through or else its going to be gophers eating cats and that's just not natural. Look for a pillow fight game, but with implications in the big ten race. Minnesota 22 – 20.

HP Bonus: Northworstern

West Virginia (5-2) (-4.0) @ #25 Uconn (5-2). I pick opposite of HP. Uconn is getting no respek at home against a WVU team that is vastly superior to the way they've played. Just ask Auburn. Both teams are all over the place. I look for UConn to be severely overmatched, yet find a way to win most likely on a bone headed clock management guffaw. Puke-on yak 27-26.

HP Bonus #2: WVa

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Weekly 4-spot

This weekly 4-spot is brought to you by "Kirk Reynolds" an imaginary "QC" (what ever the fuck that is).

Falcon Chambers UK
Falcon Court London EC4Y
Contact Person:Atty.Kirk Reynolds QC

Dear Venkataraman (Not actually my name, but I'll go with it)

My Name is Kirk Reynolds QC. I am a solicitor (sounds trustworthy. Is that a British version of a prostitute? -- I know it's a lawyer, but it sounds slutty to me...) with Falcon Chambers of EC4Y 1AA Falcon Court London, UK and personal
attorney to Engr. Ali Venkataraman, (the President Transfield Worley Company) Who died with his family in the July, 2000 Air France crash. For your confirmations visit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Although my client left no record of any next of kin but I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives which had proved unsuccessful.

As a matter of fact, he had predicted four college football picks for the week of October 25th, 2008 an amazing feat considering the schedules had not yet been set, let alone the lines. His picks of Tennessee +7 over Alabama, Texas -13 over Oklahoma State, Central Michigan -3 over Toledo and Nebraska -11 over Baylor are being managed by his bookies.

Consequently, the Lords of London has issued me a notice to provide my client's next of kin or have the picks liquidated within a short time. Based on my unsuccessful search for his relatives for the past Seven years now and for the fact that you bear the same last name with my late client (Good thing his lastname wasn't Smelly, or else that cock would have gotten my picks!), I therefore seek your consent to present you as the next of kin/inheritor to my deceased client, so that the picks will be transferred to your account for us to share upon approval.

As his personal Attorney I have all the legal documents and all it takes to back-up this claims and to convincingly present you to the Casino as the next of kin to my late client without trouble.

All I require is your honest cooperation. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement. And no government involvement at all. For more information about me please visit the Weekly 13 website:


I look forward to hearing from you.

Kirk Reynolds QC

You know what Mr. Reynolds? You're a fudge packer. I think I will make those picks on my own.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Pick/ Counter Pick: Week 9

Thursday, October 23 7:30 PM ESPN Pirated Treasure(4-3, 2-3) @Burn Sofa Burn (4-2, 2-0) -3.5.

Philosopher: Booty and Wine Rig are two mediocre teams with spartan offenses - each ranking in the bottom third of 1A teams. The main difference is that Booty has sucked against better competition and Hillbilly Stewart is a bad coach. I look for Booty's defense to keep them in this one, enough to cover the 3.5 and win. Auburn 17-9. Confidence 5.

Bastard: My company is firing 7200 people (so Lumbergh's stock can go up 1/4 point). In an effort to not be one of them, I decided it wise not to blog from work. Blogging from home got in the way of drinking... now that I found a straw, lets get to pick/counterpick! BTW Auburn sucks, that's why I picked west va. Confidence 8.

Saturday October 25

12:00 PM ESPN #8 Y'arrrr! (7-0, 3-0) @ #23 Reesing Pieces (5-2, 2-1) -2.

Philosopher: The Jayhawks gave up 600+ yards last week and Sam Bradford passed for something like 460 yards. Uh oh! Avast, ye scoundrels, be prepared to be boarded and forced to walk ye plank. The Red Raider defense is also nothing to be cherished - giving up 25 points to aTm is like giving up 50 to a decent team. I expect points, points, points and more points from two fast scoring offenses. TT for the cover and win: 45-42. Confidence 7.

Bastard: I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with you there professor! TT is way to potent on offense not to cover. Their D is a bit shady, but they should be able to hang at least 40 on KU, giving them ample fireworks to cover. TT 42-38. Confidence 6.

12:00 PM GP C-Nasty (5-1, 1-0) @Puke-On(5-2, 1-1) PK.

Philosopher: UConn is my mediocrity kryptonite. I am something like 1-10 picking on this perplexing team. This game looks like rain (will someone from the Bearcats please drive to the endzone?). I am expecting a vastly different game from the TT-KU battle. Low scoring and punts. Cinci for the win: 16-13. Confidence 13.

Bastard: I can't believe that I'm goign with HP on this one but facts are facts. Cincy is better. They can also play in the rain with a good ground game. Beerkatz 17-7. Confidence 11.

12:00 PM GP Back-Up College (5-1, 2-1) @Norf Kakalaka(5-2, 1-2) -3.

Philosopher: The ACC is a quagmire of modesty. It seems as if UNC got caught in a speed trap last week versus an improving Crapilier team. Meanwhile BC continues to surprise with a lone loss to the Jackets' triple option. Rain is also in the forcast for this game, which may neutralize NC's speed advantage. I still like the Heels at home. NC 24-17.

Bastard: A pot of gold awaits the individual who figures out picking on the ACC... looking at the attendance for their last couple of championship games, it will be quite a long time before anyone cares enough. This is a coin toss. UNC. Confidence 13.

12:00 PM ESPN-U What the Forest!?! (4-2, 2-1) @Co-Caines (FL) (4-3, 1-2) -3.

Philosopher: Another ACC game! This is killing me. WTF happened to WF against Jeckyl and Freigen? Has the mystery of the two-star laden Deacs been solved? Miami is looking exactly as expected - with close losses to ranked teams, team speed on D and freshmen errors. I look for the Caines to close in on a bowl with a victory over WF. Miami 27-21. Confidence 12.

Bastard:See above ACC rant. But I do likes me some cocaines! This one is at home and the mistake prone Skinner! will give the young canes opportunity. Miami 31-17. Confidence 9.

3:30 PM CBS #7 Ugly Dog(6-1, 3-1) @ #13 L'Suck (5-1, 3-1) -2.

Philosopher: Is this game close enough to a night game to throw down the Bayou at Night axiom and go with the Tigers in a romp? The sun sets at 7:25 EST, so it will most likely be played mostly during the day. This is a very close match-up as the line suggests. I look for LSU's D-line to keep Moreno under wraps for the most part and Miles' offensive guts to put the Bengals over the top. LSU 21-17. Confidence 8.

Bastard: LSU has proven that it cannot play D all that well. They have a knack for winning big games at home though which makes me a bit nervous on picking UGA. The time of this game is the only reason I'm not picking LSU. UGA, Close 21-20. Confidence 12.

3:30 PM ABC-R #6 TDH (7-0, 3-0)@ #1 Hook 'Em(7-0, 3-0) -12.5.

Philosopher: The Horns has been shockingly good on offense and so-so on D. Meanwhile the Cowboys are surprising a lot of people with their ascent to #6 from obscurity. Okie State is a primarily running team, which runs into Texas' defensive strength. Texas' offensive is balanced and will pose problems for TDH. I look for the Horns to win big, again. Texas 52-30. Confidence 3.

Bastard: Texas hasn't lost against the line yet this year. UT 52-30 sounds cromulent. Confidence 2.

3:30 PM ABC-R Chokies (5-2, 2-1) @ #25 Noles Contendre (5-1, 2-1) -4.5.

Philosopher: AC fucking C. FSU looks to be too good on D at home for the Chokies (who couldn't mount a last minute drive versus BC last week). I'm going for FSU on the cover through a few opportunistic defensive plays. FSU 27-20. Confidence 10.

Bastard: Read Above. I'm like a moth to the flame on VT though and I hate FSU. This game will be like watching the fast food intermurals with Taco Bell visiting McDonalds' Taco Bell make better slop. VT 22, FSU 16. Confidence 10.

3:30 PM ABC-R Little Brother (6-2, 3-1) -4 @Big Brother (1-2, 2-5).

Philosopher: I fucking hate Michigan State, but I am going to lock them. MSU 23-18. Lock. Confidence 1.

Bastard: We continue to suck so bad that little brother will finally win. We'll score the first 17 then lose. MSU 31-17. Confidence 1.

7:45 PM ESPN #2 That time of the month(7-0, 4-0) -6.5 @Fat Fulmer (3-4, 1-3).

Philosopher: Alabama has looked lax in its last couple games versus Kentucky and Missississsss... ippi. This is a night game on the cusp of hunting season in Knoxville. Orange, orange, and more orange. Tennessee loses on a last second FG, but covers. Alabama 22-20. Confidence 4.

Bastard: Bama's too good to care that its hunting season in Tennessee. In Bama, they use elephant rifles. That little smokey dag will be a hole in the ground with a ring of fur around it. Bama 35-10. Confidence 3.

8:00 PM ABC #3 State Penn (8-0, 4-0) -2 @ #9 OSuck (7-1, 4-0).

Philosopher: The Snake pit at night. This is going to be a skoal spittin' fist fightin' brwal of a game. I look for ohio's D to contain the Nittany offense and cover this close game. OSU 23-22. Confidence 3.

Bastard: Oheo will be quite lucky to score. They may run back the first kick-off then its going to go all SEC for them with PSU acting the part of kcUF or LSUck. PSU 27-7. Confidence 5.

8:00 PM ESPN2 Family Dog (4-2) -11.5 @Second Worst team in washington (0-6, 0-4).

Philosopher: Washington sucks worse than most teams in it's own state. Notre dame is travelling across the country and this is the only reason I can foresee them not covering the spread. I will still hang my hat on the Irish further proving that Ty was a horrible hire. ND 38-20. Confidence 9.

Bastard: What he said. UW blows. Michigan would beat them. ND 47-UW 10. Confidence 4

10:15 PM #5 Ribbed (5-1, 3-1) -16 @Desert Cats (5-2, 3-1).

Philosopher: Historically, Arizona has held it's own against USC. This season, USC is looking to prove that it's the best 1-loss team and should be up next if Texas, Alabama or PSU should fall. USC has outscored its opponents 141-10 since losing to the beavers. No mercy on D and foot to the throat on O will be enough to cover the spread. USC 38-10. Confidence 6.

Bastard: Again HP has this about right. USC dominates from the opening whistle. 44-13. Confidence 6.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Picks in Review: Week 8

Games were not watched this weekend. Both the Philosopher and the Bastard were not within range of TV. We did however go 7-6, keeping with the trend of mediocrity. Next week there may or may not be a review.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Pick-Counter Pick: Week 8

This is a new feature of a new blog. MGOBastard thought it would be a grand idea to cross swords with the King of Picking Mediocrity, the Hemlock Philosopher.

Thursday, October 16
8:00 PM ET #9 Byutt (6-0, 2-0) -1 @TCU (6-1, 3-0)

Bastard's Pick: This a don't mess with the percentages game as the nation's longest winning streak meets Thursday night underdog in what should be a close game. Both teams are riding in with lack-luster performances against inferior foes last week and both also boast solid defenses. Expect a low scoring affair. I can't go against the trend of Thursday night home-dog triumphs. TCU 16-15. Don't be surprised if this goes into overtime, blowing up the line. Confidence 12.

Philosopher's Pick: Break out the crosses and chocolate milk, this one's a real humdinger! Ned Flanders thinks the Mormons are a bit kooky, but he loves the way their offense is rolling. I have to agree, the mustache is mesmerizing. ByUTT 28-24. Confidence 5.

Saturday, October 18

12:00 PM ET GP Western(6-1, 4-0) @Central (4-2, 3-0) -2.5
Bastard's Pick: In a battle of two of the top teams in the great state of Michigan an untested WMU team rides into Mt Pleasant on the wings of a high octane passing game. CMU counters with the Vince Young of the MAC in Dan LeFevour – who is nursing a bum ankle. While they have faced admittedly better teams than WMU, CMU has not been able to protect against the pass at all this year. Look for lots of points in another good game. WMU bombs away to a 41-38 win. Confidence 11.

Philosopher's Pick: Mmmm a teaser on the negative hook and I've got LeFevour for CMU at home. CMU has beaten WMU three of the last four times in this rivalry. I expect this trend to continue. CMU for the win and the cover. CMU 37-31. Confidence 3.

12:00 PM ET BTN
Cheese(3-3, 0-3) @Hawkeyes (4-3, 1-2) -3.5.

Bastard's Pick: What happened to the Badgers? Losing to Michigan in the fashion that they did is impressively bad, especially considering what has transpired since. Iowa has won the games they should have by narrow margins and lost to better opponents while keeping it close. Wisconsin cannot be that bad, can they? Yes. Iowa wins, but doesn’t cover on the chad. Iowa 23-20. Confidence 7.

Philosopher's Pick: Daryl Clark was the mouse that stole Wisconsin's cheese after losing two close games to start the Big 10 season. Iowa dismantled Indiana after it's own 3-game losing streak. However, UW gets the respk't from Vegas with 3 and a hook going to IC. I don't like Iowa, but I don't like that hook either. Wisconsin for the cover and win 28-20. Confidence 10

12:00 PM ET #21 W(t)F (4-1, 2-0) -1 @Manic Depressive Maryland (4-2, 1-1)

Bastard's Pick: Oh gawd, why did I choose to pick on the ACC? These two teams have been a nightmare when it comes to picks. Throwing dud when expected to cover (Navy @ Wake) and also doing the old two in the pink one in the sink routine (Cal @ MD). MD is definitely the surprise team of the ACC narrowly avoiding defeat to D-1AA Delaware and getting trounced by MTSU before righting the ship versus Cal. Wake has been more inconsistent bracketing a loss to Navy with wins of FSU and Clemson. Look for the fightin' Fridgens to keep it up in a close one Field Goal Fest! MD 19-Wake 16. Confidence 13.

Philosopher's Pick: Good fuckin' question, Bastard! I hate picking on the ACC solely because all the teams suck enough to lose to Middle Tennessee State and then turn around for two in the pink-one in the stink against Cal. Wake, the symbol of steady in in the ACC lost to Navy. Wake is a better team, so I will hang my hat on that. Wake 24-17. Confidence: 13.

12:30 PM ET #22 Fading Stars(5-1, 3-1) @ #10 Bullish on the Dawgs(5-1, 2-1) -14.5

Bastard's Pick:That's a large line for the SEC. Vandy just got croomigated like a roach at MSU, costing me some dignity and about an hour of my life in which I'll have fawdies duct-taped to my hands. The chad has me going that way again UGA wins comfortably, but doesn't cover 34-21. Confidence 3.

Philosopher's Pick: Vandy got CROOMED and the Bastard will be doing the Eduardo on the Weekly 13 fall camping trip. Georgia is a tough team to play when you are hanging on to a thread of respect that was earned beating a really bad Auburn team (come on, they lost to Arkansas). I look for UGa to hammer Vandy on D and cover the spread. UGA 33-10. Confidence: 2.

3:30 PM ET #16 Rock Chalk(5-1, 2-0) @ #4 Boom! Sooner(5-1, 1-1) -19.5

Bastard's Pick:Kansas is my lone win from last week. OU is either going to come out pissed off after losing to Texas last week, or come out flat. Either way, UT showed that OU's D isn't that great. Look for Kansas to exploit that a bit and keep it close. OU gets back in the win column, but I'm throwing a winner a bone on the line. OU 44 – KU 35. Confidence 5.

Philosopher's Pick: Kan U Cover? I agree that this game is going to have some points scored and OU is nursing some injuries on D to go along with the bruised confidence. KS for the Cover, OU for the win. OU 37-21. Confidence 4.

3:30 PM ET #12 Oheo Snake (6-1, 3-0) -3.5 @ #20 Lil Bro(6-1, 3-0)

Bastard's Pick:Little brother has shown some pluck this year with 6 wins following the always tough west coast opener. Other than the washout in southern California, the salad tossers from ohfeo have quietly gone about business in trusty tressel fashion (read UGLY). They haven't been covering many spreads (1-5 ATS), but they've been winning. Look for that trend to continue in a close one. tOSU 17 – MSU 16. Confidence 6.

Philosopher's Pick: Although osuck my poisonous nuts has not covered, many of the lines have been gaudy. The hook makes this a tough pick, except when you expect the score to be 21-17, nuts. Confidence: 12.

3:30 PM ET #23 I wanna stache(4-1, 2-0) -3 @Yvan eht nioj(4-2)

Bastard's Pick:Pitt has ground their way slowing back into the rankings after losing to BGSU. Seriously, who loses to the MAC at home. Oh, yeah. Navy has adjusted well to the post-Johnson era with a couple of mind boggling upsets (Wake, NO!) and a win at Rutgers (WTF happened there?). Pitt gets their roll on with a solid ground game. Pitt 31 – Navy 20. Confidence 2.

Philosopher's Pick:Navy is a strange team this year. Pitt seems to be coming around to their pre-season hype after getting bowled on the green. My pick confidence is low, but I'll hang with the Bastard on this one. Pitt 28-24. Confidence: 9.

4:30 PM ET Property of Toledo(2-4, 1-1) @ #3 State Penn (7-0, 3-0) -23.5

Bastard's Pick:I'm in post-Appalachian State bunker mentality that combined with the apocalypse is upon us! We're going to lose big and it is going to be UGLY. When you count sacks, Michigan will have more turnovers than yards. The D would hang in for a half until they are completely worn out, but the safeties suck so bad that PSU may have half a hundo by halftime. Look west to Washington State for a score. PSU wins by more than USC. The 12 year domination run ends. I'll burn my "We Own Penn State" Shirt in effigy. PSU 66-0. Confidence 1.

Philosopher's Pick:My view is much less apocalyptic than my colleague's, yet it is still grim. Michigan's offense will do absolutely nothing. They are disorganized and will be greatly intimidated by the night crowd at Beaver Stadium. The only way I see a score is by a field goal if the defense produces a ball within the red zone. PSU will be able to not only move the ball well, but control the clock against Michigan's scheme-challenged defense. Michigan's defensive pride is the only thing that differentiates Michigan from a Washington State orNorth Texas-like score. PSU 38, Michigan 3. Confidence 1. Lock.

8:00 PM ET #11 My Mizzuzi(5-1, 1-1) @ #1 Hook 'Em(6-0, 2-0) -6.5

Bastard's Pick: Is UT set-up for a let-down game now that they're the #1 team in the land and that they've vanquished their rival? Possibly, but Mizzou looked pedestrian against an okie state team that hadn't played anybody up to that point. Its potential let-down meets potential bust. Go with the numbers UT hasn't lost against the spread this year and they're spotted the half point, plus its at UT at night. Expect another high scoring game. Texas 48 – 38. Confidence 8.

Philosopher's Pick:. Mizzou was my ride for a while here and then they sallied forth with Tall Dark and Handsome for a roll in the hay. That ended up poorly. Will they come back or get hooked? Texas is riding high after they burned down the Conestogas. I look for Mizzou to keep it close in Austin. Texas 38-35. Confidence 6.

8:00 PM ET #13 Bleauxed Out (4-1, 2-1) -3.5 @Smelly Cocks (5-2, 2-2)

Bastard's Pick:LSU is much better than the 51-21 spankaration that they received last week. Is USCe any good? A 5-1 record and a win at Kentucky last week would indicate so. The half point over three has me leaning towards Souf Kak. LSU still bounces back. LSU 24-23. Confidence 4.

Philosopher's Pick: LSU has got to be pissed. kcUF bombed them last week with prejudice. Les Miles will rebound in this game and take his aggressions out on a mediocre Souf Kakalaka team. LSU 31-17. Confidence 7.

8:00 PM ET #17 Thanksgiving Dinner (5-1, 2-0) @ Back-up College (4-1, 1-1) -2.5

Bastard's Pick:Another ACC game with anything possible. BC is a quiet no-named bunch that has quietly assembled a 4-1 start to the season. BC has a shaky QB and a stellar D. After getting shocked by a now mediocre ECU team, VT has bounced back nicely, including a win at Nebraska, at night. They're decidedly 1 dimensional on offense, but as usual bring the noise on D and special teams. That's how you get it done on the road at night. VT 19 – BC 14. Confidence 10.

Philosopher's Pick: I totally agree with the Bastard's assessment and since I know nothing about BC and really don't care to look at another crappy ACC team I'll go with it. VT 27-20. Confidence 8.

10:00 PM ET #25 Golden Beers (4-1, 2-0) -2.5 @All Dat AZ (4-2, 2-1)

Bastard's Pick:Arizona played a sandwich game last week and was robbed by woodland creatures of their lunch up in Palo Alto. Their turnaround hit the proverbial guard rail. Cal on the other hand has had a nice retun to the top 25 after getting trounced by a suspect MD team. Look for Cal to continue their climb up the top 25 charts. Cal 33 – 28. Confidence 9.

Philosopher's Pick: This is a tough game to pick. Az got nipped by an improving Stanford on the road. Maybe looking ahead? Jevon Best is still nursing an injury and may not be able to play effectively. I look for AZ to rebound. AZ 29-24. Confidence 11.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Worst Play EvARRR

The wide-receiver bubble screen has got to be the worst play ever designed. For those who don't know what the hell this is, see the diagram below:

Ask your self how many times you've seen this play succeed. I continually see it getting BLOW'D UP at all levels. Yet, programs continue to deploy this play as if it actually works. Add in a wet-noodle arm QB (Threet/ Sheridan) and you've got not only FAIL but EPIC FAIL (see: ND game). This play is only moderately successful when you have a down-field threat (Henne with Manningham/ Arrignton/ Avant throwing in underneath to Breaston) and good blockers. But it was still FAIL more often than not.


Picks in Review: Week 7

The pickers in the Weekly 13 Original four posted their worst record in 10+ years of picking - combining for a measly 8-44 record. I went 4-9, which was two wins better than Matt (2-11) and three better than Jesse and Josh (1-12). 1-12 matches the worst record ever and has only been done twice before (Zack last season and Matt in year 1)!

Thursday, October 9
7:30 PM ET ESPN Clemson (3-2, 1-1) @ #25 Wake Forest (3-1, 1-0) -2.5. Clemson 26-21. Confidence 10. Final Wake 12-7. Clemson sucks and Bowden got fired. 0-1

Saturday, October 11
12:00 PM ET ABC #5 Texas (5-0, 1-0), #1 Oklahoma (5-0, 1-0) -7 @Dallas, TX. Oklahoma 35, Texas 32. Confidence 7. Final Texas 45-35. What can I say? Texas es bueno! 1-1

12:00 PM ET Big Ten Network Toledo (1-4, 1-1) @Michigan (2-3, 1-1) -16.5. Michigan 45, Toledo 20. Confidence 13. Final Toledo 13-10. Fucking fuckety fuck damnit hell bastard motherfucker cocksucker can't even fucking score more than ten points on a fucking weak ass giving up 36 fucking goddamned points a fucking bitch ass fuck motherfucking game! Godfucking bloody hell damnit! 1-2

12:30 PM ET ESPN2 Colorado (3-2, 0-1) @ #16 Kansas (4-1, 1-0) -14. KU 49 - CU 28. Confidence 4. Final KU 30-14. I got this one just about right, with a little less scoring. 2-2

12:30 PM ET GP South Carolina (4-2, 1-2) @Kentucky (4-1, 0-1) PK. UK 21- USCe 20. Confidence 5. USCe 28-21. Not too far off, but a loss nonetheless. 2-3

3:00 PM ET Nebraska (3-2, 0-1) @ #7 Texas Tech (5-0, 1-0) -21. TT 55, Nebraska 45! Confidence 8. TT 38-31. Lower scoring than expected, but a win. 3-3

3:30 PM ET CBS Tennessee (2-3, 0-2) @ #11 Georgia (4-1, 1-1) -13. Georgia 38, Tennasty 17. Confidence 3. GA 26-14. Tennessee is some lucky bastards. TD as opposed to FGs would have this easily covered! 3-4

3:30 PM ET ESPN2 #23 Michigan State (5-1, 2-0) -2.5 @Northwestern (5-0, 1-0). MSU 20-17. Confidence 11. MSU 37-20. Sparty Party! 4-4.

The rest are losses...

3:30 PM ET ABC-R Notre Dame (4-1, 0-0) @ #22 North Carolina (4-1, 1-1) -7. UNC 27-17. Confidence 9. UNC 28-24. Why even have replay? Replay FAIL. 4-5

5:00 PM ET Arizona (5-1, 2-0)-6.5 @ Stanford (3-3, 2-1). Arizona 34, Stanford 21. Confidence 6. Stanford 24-23. Sandwich FAIL. 4-6.

8:00 PM ET CBS #3 LSU (4-0, 2-0) @# 12 Florida (4-1, 2-1) -5.5. LSU 26, UF 21. Confidence 2. kcUF 51-21. BLEAUXOUT FAIL. 4-7

8:00 PM ET ESPN2 #21 Oklahoma State (5-0, 1-0) @ #4 Missouri (5-0, 1-0) -13.5. Confidence 1. Lock. OSU 28-23. LOCK FAIL 4-8.

8:00 PM ET ABC-R #6 Penn State (6-0, 2-0) -5 @ Wisconsin (3-2, 0-2). PSU 31 - Wisconsin 27. Confidence 12. PSU 48-7. Bratwurst FAIL. 4-9.

This Week 4-9.
Overall 48-40 (First in OF +2, First in MP +2)

Friday, October 10, 2008


I would never suggest going the Bush route unless you want your picks to do a DJIA and lose half their value. Keep up that action and you'll be playing bridesmaid to 3rd place, not that I mind though…

Thursday, October 97:30 PM ET ESPN Clemson (3-2, 1-1) @ #25 Wake Forest (3-1, 1-0) -2.5. With the benefit of hindsight, Wake should have won that one by 56, but they didn't. I picked with HP on that one so I cannot argue the merits.

Saturday, October 1112:00 PM ET ABC #5 Texas (5-0, 1-0), #1 Oklahoma (5-0, 1-0) -7 @Dallas, TX. While I enjoy the beatings of local baptists, nobody's been doing with quite as much gusto as the Sooners. Look for the secondary weakness of the Horns to be exploited time and time again, like a washed up porn star looking to support her coke fix. While I like to support the Horns at all times, I have the sinking feeling that OU will hang half hundo on them. Colt will have a good day, but nobody could provide what would be necessary fro the win nor the cover in this one. Texas will score twice late to make it look respectable. OU 56, UT 38.

12:00 PM ET Big Ten Network Toledo (1-4, 1-1) @Michigan (2-3, 1-1) -16.5. I'm with the philosopher on this one. Michigan will finally get a chance to show some life on offense and will look good for a weekend. The defense will dominate… and things will look great, until next weekend. M 34, Toledo 13.

12:30 PM ET ESPN2 Colorado (3-2, 0-1) @ #16 Kansas (4-1, 1-0) -14. Again, I'm with the Philosopher on this game. KU will score at will. Since this is the big XII, look for at least two teams to score 60. KU will be one of them. KU 63, Col 21.

12:30 PM ET GP South Carolina (4-2, 1-2) @Kentucky (4-1, 0-1) PK. UK has a good defense as proven last week and USCe has a terrible offense. Look for a game that would be better suited for ACC teams. UK 13, USCe 8.

3:00 PM ET Nebraska (3-2, 0-1) @ #7 Texas Tech (5-0, 1-0) -21. The other Big XII team to score 60. Bet the over? Yarrrrr-betcha TT 69, Neb 28.

3:30 PM ET CBS Tennessee (2-3, 0-2) @ #11 Georgia (4-1, 1-1) -13. I cannot argue about the fact that Tennessee is not very good. Plus its between the hedges. I suspect that Fat Fulmer is soon going to be putting in applications for a leading role in "the great pumpkin". Georgia 38, Tennasty 17. Sounds reasonable.

3:30 PM ET ESPN2 #23 Michigan State (5-1, 2-0) -2.5 @Northwestern (5-0, 1-0). Sparty has proven itself a one dimensional running team. That one dimension has been a mack truck with opponents being the proverbial squirrel in the road. NU has gotten fat on sub-par opponents, but look out! NU is a good MAC team – they may win the conference once every 4 years - with a senior QB, RB and offensive line that's what they have this year. NU 28-27.

3:30 PM ET ABC-R Notre Dame (4-1, 0-0) @ #22 North Carolina (4-1, 1-1) -7. Jimmah is averaging 311yds, 3TDs and 0 INTS over the past couple of games. Purdump and Stanford are not world-beaters. UNC is very much improved and has shown that they can win with their 3rd string QB. ND's defense is rather porous as well. Look for Tate (Not Golden) to run back a kick and get somewhere around 150 yds receiving. UNC 38-27.

5:00 PM ET Arizona (5-1, 2-0)-6.5 @ Stanford (3-3, 2-1). Why are we picking this? AZ 44-10.

8:00 PM ET CBS #3 LSU (4-0, 2-0) @# 12 Florida (4-1, 2-1) -5.5. What happened to kcUF's offense? With the second coming and Percy Harvin, they should be scoring at will on opponents like Tennessee and Ol'Miss. They haven't, yet they continue to ride excellent defense and special teams play. The tigers ride into this rivalry with national championship hopes, look for them to be temporarily derailed. kcUF 23-21.

8:00 PM ET ESPN2 #21 Oklahoma State (5-0, 1-0) @ #4 Missouri (5-0, 1-0) -13.5. I agree with Philosopher here too. TDH has been playing who? Did I say 2 Big XII teams will score 60 this week? I did not mention that one would score 70. Mizzou 70-24.

8:00 PM ET ABC-R #6 Penn State (6-0, 2-0) -5 @ Wisconsin (3-2, 0-2). The badgers cannot be that bad. They were at one time ranked #9. At night, at camp Randall is not a place that PSU has thrived. Look for the cheese heads to right the ship in another hard fought battle. UW 17-PSU-16.


Thursday, October 9, 2008

Philosopher's Picks: Week 7

The picks for Week 7 go as follows. Due to the boss lady going all S&M this week, there wasn't much research. I will go the Bush route and use gut feeling, we'll see how that works. Fingers crossed...

Thursday, October 9
7:30 PM ET ESPN Clemson (3-2, 1-1) @ #25 Wake Forest (3-1, 1-0) -2.5. Both these teams are meh after being heralded as the best of the ACC. Perhaps "meh" is the best of the ACC? On pure betting trends, Clemson is the right choice here. The underdogs have been killing it on Thursday night. Pitt, Oregon State (X2) and UConn have done it in the past two weeks. I will not buck the trend this week. Clemson 26-21. Confidence 10.

Saturday, October 11
12:00 PM ET ABC #5 Texas (5-0, 1-0), #1 Oklahoma (5-0, 1-0) -7 @Dallas, TX. Red River Rivalry! This is always one of the most intriguing games of the year and is undoubtedly the highest profile game on the slate this week (LSU-Florida is #2). Unlike Unquel Klem and Wack Forest, the Sooners and Horns have been smacking around the local baptist schools like red headed step children. Texas' one glaring weakness is their secondary (90ish ranked pass defense), but the offense can score. Oklahoma is just plain sick all around. I look for them to exploit the UT secondary to win, but not cover. Oklahoma 35, Texas 32. Confidence 7.

12:00 PM ET Big Ten Network Toledo (1-4, 1-1) @Michigan (2-3, 1-1) -16.5. Yeesh, here we go again. Toledo is flatout horrible and so is Michigan. Look for Michigan's offense to show a pulse this game and Toledo's inferior atheletes to make it easy on the Michigan defense. Michigan 45, Toledo 20. Confidence 13.

12:30 PM ET ESPN2 Colorado (3-2, 0-1) @ #16 Kansas (4-1, 1-0) -14. Colorado has not shown that it can stop any offense with a pulse. Kansas' offense has a strong pulse and a little moxy after a huge comeback at Iowa State. Kansas rips 'em. KU 49 - CU 28. Confidence 4.

12:30 PM ET GP South Carolina (4-2, 1-2) @Kentucky (4-1, 0-1) PK. Kentucky surprised me with a narrow loss at Alabama last week and USCe has been disappointing this season. There is really no reason to pick USCe - it's a road game in the SEC. UK, close. UK 21- USCe 20. Confidence 5.
3:00 PM ET Nebraska (3-2, 0-1) @ #7 Texas Tech (5-0, 1-0) -21. Holy frozen tortillas! This does not look good for Nebraska's porous defense. TT, yar yar, doesn't have much D itself. Bet the over and take Nebraska (barely). TT 55, Nebraska 45! Confidence 8.
3:30 PM ET CBS Tennessee (2-3, 0-2) @ #11 Georgia (4-1, 1-1) -13. I rarely trust a big line in the SEC. This will be one of those time that I do. Georgia has got to be pissed about the 31-point half against Alabama. Tennessee is not very good. Georgia 38, Tennasty 17. Confidence 3.

3:30 PM ET ESPN2 #23 Michigan State (5-1, 2-0) -2.5 @Northwestern (5-0, 1-0). Little Bro is bringing 2 and a hook to NU. Michigan State is seeing the benefits of an easy early big ten season schedule with a couple close wins. NU is coming off a bye week after beating Iowa by 5 on the road. MSU didn't cover against the Hawkeyes last week, thus sending me to Edward 40s hands pain. MSU is too strong for NU and I look for them to cover, closely. MSU 20-17. Confidence 11.

3:30 PM ET ABC-R Notre Dame (4-1, 0-0) @ #22 North Carolina (4-1, 1-1) -7. Luckily for the Irish, this is not a night game. At this point UNC brings too much speed and looks to be a year ahead of ND on the rebuild. UNC for the cover. UNC 27-17. Confidence 9.

5:00 PM ET Arizona (5-1, 2-0)-6.5 @ Stanford (3-3, 2-1). Where the hell did 'Zona come from? Stanford kept it fairly close at ND last week, taking the spread by a hook. But, that was more due to ND's lack of aggression in the second half. Stoops looks to become bowl eligible with a cover. Arizona 34, Stanford 21. Confidence 6.

8:00 PM ET CBS #3 LSU (4-0, 2-0) @# 12 Florida (4-1, 2-1) -5.5. This line is too big for this game. LSU to cover and win. LSU 26, UF 21. Confidence 2.

8:00 PM ET ESPN2 #21 Oklahoma State (5-0, 1-0) @ #4 Missouri (5-0, 1-0) -13.5. Lock Mizzou, it's a good thing to dou. The Boys have played nobody this season and looked good doing it. Mizzou swarmed Nebraska in Lincoln and opened by trouncing Illinois. Mizzou 56, OSU 21. Confidence 1. Lock

8:00 PM ET ABC-R #6 Penn State (6-0, 2-0) -5 @ Wisconsin (3-2, 0-2). Tough luck for the Badgers - starting the season with Michigan, Ohio Snake and State Penn. Things look bad in Badgerville. PSU runs a potent offense that is similar to OSU's but with seniors and juniors in the place of freshmen and sophomores. Wisconsin will show some pride and cover. Possibly win, but I won't go that far. PSU 31 - Wisconsin 27. Confidence 12.