Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Picking Upate

EPIC FAIL. I fear that the new php rules against global variables combined with my part time status, has hampered efforts to get the site up before the season. I am trying a new method, so we'll see how that goes. If anyone has a clue about what to do, please help!

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Man Fired for Cleaning Buckeyes in Burger King Sink

Timothy "Double T" Thackett of Xenia, Ohio was fired for cleaning is "personal buckeyes" in a Burger King Utility sink. A Burger King spokesman, pictured here, said that Mr. Thackett had been "separated from the company" and then proceeded to chow down on a double whopper with cheese.

Thackett, a recent [the] University of Ohio State grad had been jobless for 7 months prior to picking up a "sweet gig" as a third shift "Deep Fryer Technician" at the Xenia Burger King. "Man this job really kicked [explicative]. Double T bets them people from [explicative] scUM can land jobbz like dis one! Too bad da [explicative] man don't appreciate Double T's need to clean his [explicative] bucknuts." quoted Thackett. "But this gives D.T. time to watch his boyz in scarlet and gray whup on some [explicative] skunk rat [explicative], [explicative]." he continued while pointing his finger in the face of the News Channel 5 reporter.

When asked what he would do next, Thackett claimed he'd "sit and chill" for awhile and watch his buckeyes while chewing "Skoal" and drinking "Natty Ice". "[explicative], dude, me and my [explicative] boyz got a little food stamp scam going on so dem liberal {explicative] skunk rats can pay for our [explicative] beer [explicative]."

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Friday, August 8, 2008

Man Angry, Man Rant: Fuck you Fiutak

Pete Fiutak of College Football News (CFN) fancies himself a sports writer and a bigger college football fan than you. Well, I disagree and I am mad about it.

In predicting that Michigan would start 1-3 this season, Pete wrote "Utah, Miami University and at Notre Dame are tougher non-conference foes than Appalachian State."

First an ad hominem attack, just for the hell of it: CFN is a horribly laid-out, spam-filled trash box of a website with more glitter than the Vegas Strip. It's god damned annoying to visit that filthy site, so I suggest that you don't. Also, don't visit prostitutes, you may get viruses.

Back to Pete, after one more ad hominem, his mind is a landfill of disinformation mixed with pygmy ritual. How stupid do you have to be to realize that the team Notre Damn had last year would have been demolished by Appy State? Michigan beat them 38-0, Michigan lost to Appalachian State. Put one and one together!

Miami University!?! They lost to Minnesota! Minnesota!!! The team who Rivals = Scout = CFN rated dead last in all the categories except jailed players in the Big 10. "This unit was an unmitigated disaster in 2007." Miami would have beaten Appy State? Get a clue!

Utah may or may not have beaten them last year. Although they did lose 3 of 4 to start the season, including being shutout by a UNLV team that went 2-10! So, this too is a stretch.

When you make statements like "Utah, Miami University and at Notre Dame are tougher non-conference foes than Appalachian State." at least do some research.

On a deeper level, (one that idiots like Fiutak cannot comprehend because their mind is more cluttered than red neck DNA) the comparison breaks down when you see that Michigan has a whole new team running a whole new scheme. If you'd argue that Michigan may not be prepared and Miami, Utah, Notre Damn, and Wisconsin may beat Michigan because they are experienced teams with retuning talent, then you'd have an argument.

It is a fallacy to compare this year's Michigan Opponents to last year's Appalachian State team and then pretend that Michigan lost to Appalachian State this year!

I still cannot get over the fact that he said that Notre Damn is tougher than Appalachian State when Michigan beat them 38-0! That's a skullfucking. Michigan got wasted by Oregon and were in total disarray and still pantsed the Irish. It's mind boggling how someone can publish this tripe and get away with it.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Teams We're Not Picking On: Minnesota

From some cube-farm in central Texas:

"This brings us to Minnesota."
"You know squirrelly-looking rodents that tear up golf courses."
"Oh Yeah."
"Well, apparently through some glitch in the system, they got picked on twice last year..."

For the Golden Gophers this season looks like its going to be brutal, again. Last in every unit ranking except one and that's only b/c Iowa had to "let some people go"... Hiring a former (read: fired) Duke head coach Ted [the] Roof [is on fire!] to "improve" the D is seen as possibly (again, read: "it's really that bad? perhaps we should consider swapping leagues with ND State") a positive. And how in the hell did Goldie not make the twenty least intimidating mascots? Rivals sums up the Gophers in their review of the secondary:

"Start dialing 9-1-1. This unit was an unmitigated disaster in 2007. Aside from an inability to cover or tackle, this was a great secondary. Look for myriad newcomers to comprise a unit that remains a work-in-progress."

Because of W13 Bylaws, we will be picking on exactly one Minnesota game this year.

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